The Return: Triptych
by dragonmactir
Summary: En route to Redcliffe, post-Landsmeet, a late-night encounter between two former foes. A night that never happened within the context of The Return.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Psych_ or any of its related characters. This is just for my own enjoyment and the potential enjoyment of other Psych-Os like me, and no monetary gain was expected or received.

**Rating: **T+

**Spoilers: **Spoilers for _Origins_ only.

**A/N: **Since Loghain did not know for the whole of a decade that Elilia Cousland found him attractive, nor did he know why she chose to spare his life at the Landsmeet until even later, we can be assured that this night never happened. But sitting wakeful thanks to a late-night bowl of homemade tortellini I knew I was going to pay for, with thunder rolling and lightning flashing in my windows, this is where my brain wound up, and I couldn't resist the urge to write it down.

* * *

**The Return: The Night That Never Happened**

It was not his turn to stand watch, but he did it anyway.

Sleep, never his closest companion in the best of times, was mostly denied him now that his dreams were troubled with visions of darkspawn and the Archdemon. Might as well be of some use. He passed close by the Warden's tent, moving softly so as not to disturb her, but the light of the campfire backlit the oilskin and revealed her distinctive silhouette, sitting cross-legged on her bedroll. He heard a faint noise from within, deep breaths and a few soft gulps, and a slight moan of discomfort.

He stepped closer to the tent. "Warden?" he said, his voice pitched so as not to carry to the other occupants of camp.

There was a moment's silence. Then, a hesitant "…Yes?"

"Are you well?"

"Not…exactly. Dinner has come back to haunt me, it seems."

"Shall I wake the Circle mage?" he asked.

"No, no. This, too, shall pass."

"Are you certain you'll not have the healer see you? No one else's digestion seems troubled."

"Ha. No, they sleep the sleep of the righteous just. It's not the dinner that's bothering me so much as anxiety is simply giving me an acid stomach. I'll be fine, I just need to sit up for a bit. Er…I could…use some help with that, if you don't mind."

"What do you need?" he asked.

"A backrest. Could you come in here and sit with me for a bit, please?"

It was an odd request, but she was an odd woman. A moment's hesitation, and then he ducked his way into the tent. Like himself, she was clad in a loose-fitting men's shirt and calf-length trousers. She patted the bedroll next to her and he cautiously lowered himself to sit cross-legged, his back to her. She turned and leaned back up against him. She sighed in profound relief.

"Ahh. Thanks."

There was a few minutes of silence, and then a flash lit the sky outside. The Warden started to count out loud. When she reached eight the expected rumble of low, distant thunder reached their ears.

"Did you ever do that?" she asked. "Count to see how far away the storm is?"

"Of course," he said. "My father taught me."

"My brother taught me," she said. "We were camping in the castle courtyard. We were trying to, at any rate: the rain eventually drove us back inside. But not before he taught me how to count down the thunder."

He was silent, and his thoughts were dark and self-recriminatory.

"I don't hold you responsible, you know," she said after a bit, almost as if she read his mind. "Not for what happened to my family. I don't know why you stood with the man who killed them, but I expect he had his story ready to explain why the Couslands deserved to die."

"He…he said your father was in league with the Empire. He had documents."

"Hm. Well, I wish I could say I was surprised, but the only thing that would surprise me now is discovering I still have the capacity to be surprised. Father visited Orlais not long before it all went to hell: I wouldn't be shocked to learn he got played by one of their beloved bloody Games. Father didn't have an eye for subtlety, as the results of his friendship with Rendon Howe lays bare."

She lapsed into silence again, and he did not care to disturb it. Finally she said, "You were never my enemy, you know."

"Oh?"

"Mm. Not to me. I thought you should know, since you seem to think I'm lying every time I say I don't think you a monster. I've done things, this past year, that are probably just as bad, if not worse, than anything you did. The girl I was a year gone wouldn't have done them, no doubt, but that girl is dead. I've had to learn to be ruthless. I don't think _I'm_ a monster. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I _am_ a monster. If so, I don't give a damn. I get the job done. Maybe it _takes_ a monster."

"I see."

"I never saw you as my enemy. _Howe_ was my enemy. Once he was dead, my taste for vengeance was pretty well spent. Now _Alistair: _Alistair saw you as the enemy. I guess that's pretty clear now."

It was a surreal situation, sitting in a lady's tent, listening to her speak of another man, but he had to ask. "Did you love him?"

"_Excuse me?"_

"He's young, good-looking, and he seems genial enough when he isn't calling for my head. Did you love him?"

She chuckled humorlessly. "Did I love Alistair, the man who was so weak I was forced to hold his hand and baby him every step of the way from Ostagar to Denerim? The man who prevented me from grieving the family I loved and lost because I had to comfort him in his grief over a man he'd known all of _six months_, the man who tore me away from my beloved family in their last extremity? Did I _love_ him? Dear sweet Maker, you may rest assured that I did _not_. I never thought for a moment that he'd leave his beloved Grey Wardens, but when he did I did not find myself much aggrieved by the abandonment. The others may think what they wish, but I feel as if a tremendous _burden _has been lifted off my shoulders."

"Well. You're welcome, then."

"Ha. I _would_ thank you, if I but knew how."

Silence reigned for a time, until the loudest peal of thunder yet rattled their teeth. "Storm's getting closer," she said.

"Yes," he said.

"Long as our canopy doesn't collapse or blow away in the wind, we should stay dry," she said.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Better," she said. "My stomach is starting to settle, I think. You know, even something as simple as acid indigestion…I wouldn't divulge a weakness like that to anyone in camp. The only one I feel reasonably certain wouldn't hold or otherwise use it against me is the one you sent to kill me. _He'd_ just try to convince me that sex is a sure cure."

"Oh? So why would you divulge this weakness to me?" he asked.

"Because I feel like you won't hold my mortality against me. Am I wrong? Are you looking for a place to stick a knife?"

He was silent for a moment. "No, Warden."

"Good. I needed someone I could be mortal with."

Another bright flash of lightning, followed almost immediately thereafter by loud thunder.

"The storm has arrived," she said, as heavy raindrops splattered their waterproof canopy.

"Indeed."

"Would you…stay with me tonight?" she asked. "It seems a shame for you to go out and get yourself soaked, and I…I could use the company. My nights are troubled."

"Are you sure that's what you want?" he asked, his head turned toward her. She turned her own head to meet his halfway, and the corners of their mouths fairly touched.

"Yes," she said.

"Then I'll gladly stay," he said, and turned to press his mouth fully against hers. As the thunder crashed all around them and the wind moaned, they made love with an urgency born of the rhythm and crash of the storm.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Dragon Age or any of its related characters. This is just for my own enjoyment and the potential enjoyment of other fans like me, and no monetary gain was expected or received.

**Rating: **T+

**Spoilers: **Spoilers for _Origins_ only.

**A/N: **No longer a one-shot, but no more than a three-parter.

* * *

**The Pillow Talk That Never Happened**

It was a chill, damp night, even after the rain stopped, but lying wakeful beneath a warm bundle of naked woman, Loghain hardly felt the cold. For the life of him, he could not figure out how he got in this position.

_You were never my enemy. _She said it more than once. Could it really be true? Did she really understand the things he'd done? Did she really forgive him?

What, exactly, did it mean that she was in his arms now?

She stirred, stretched, and stroked her hand across his bare chest. "Did you sleep at all?" she asked.

"Not yet. You didn't sleep long."

"I feel like I did. Best rest I've gotten in a year."

He hadn't the first least clue what he ought to say, or do. He felt vaguely that he might owe her an apology.

"What…do I do now?" he asked, because he truly did not know.

"Hmm, that depends on how much energy you've got left," she said, and her hand slipped down from his chest to points south.

"This is…an experience you'd care to repeat?" he asked, once he caught his breath.

"As often as possible," she said, "if it always feels as good as this."

"I might have thought you'd prefer to forget this night ever happened."

"Why would I want that?"

"Because…this…was…a mistake?"

"Hm? Not for me. If you want to leave, though, go ahead. I suggest you put your trou on first."

"I don't…particularly…want to leave. Unless you want me to."

"I'd sooner you didn't."

"Then I shan't. But I confess myself confused as to why you would not wish me to."

"I need the company. I rather thought that you might, too." She sat up on one elbow. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for anything beyond this. I mean, once upon a time, perhaps, I would have thought pretty carefully before jumping under the covers with…someone like you, but now, you know, we're both infertile, and neither of us has any sort of future…I've learned to live for the moment. I didn't have a choice."

"What do you mean, 'someone like me?'" he asked.

"You're going to put me on the spot, aren't you? All right, let me sort out my mind and clarify for both of us." She sat up and breathed deeply.

"Someone like you," she said at last. "Someone…someone I can _respect. _Someone who might well have been a marriage prospect for me, previously. Someone…I could potentially lose my heart to."

He propped himself up on an elbow. "Would that be bad? Losing your heart to _anyone, _I mean."

"Yes, it would. All my life, I've fought against becoming some _man's _appendage. Marriage, for me, meant giving up my independence, my individuality. I fought my parents tooth and nail when they tried to put me on the marriage market. This tattoo on my face? The only reason I have it is to make myself look like a bad bargain. Maybe it worked."

"You can't be yourself, or be free, if you're married? Not even if you're in love?"

"Are you trying to tell me that I _can?" _she asked, with a trace of a humorless laugh in her voice. "To me, it doesn't look much as if marriage works that way. It's bondage."

"Do you think your _mother_ lived in bondage?"

She chuckled. "Mother loved Father, and she loved her family, but she was a _warrior_, a _soldier. _She had to give it all up when she got married. She had to remake herself."

"You don't think she simply chose to set that side of herself behind her in favor of a sweeter life?"

"Maybe. Maybe a husband and babies was what she wanted. It's not what _I _want. Now I don't have to worry about it any longer. It's the one good thing about being a Grey Warden."

"You don't want children? Ever?"

"Dear Maker, _no_. What do I want with a bunch of smelly, squirmy, noisy skirt-clingers?"

"Good question. I've got another for you: Would you have said the same thing _before_ you became infertile?" he asked.

"Of course," she said, but she didn't sound a hundred percent certain of herself.

"Very well, then. Being a Grey Warden has done no evil to you."

"The hell it _hasn't," _she said, heatedly. "I'll die young - if I'm _lucky_. If I'm _un_lucky I'll eventually live out my days popping out darkspawn after darkspawn as a broodmother. And even if I didn't want children, at least it was my _choice. _Now it's not."

"Even _if_ you didn't?"

"Stop trying to put words in my mouth."

"The words came _out_ of your mouth, my dear, even if you did not recognize their implications. So being a Warden _is_ an evil."

"Of course it is. Do you think this is what I wanted? The sleepless nights? The knowledge that no matter how well I perform my duty, the work will never be complete? I _hate_ being a Warden."

She shivered and hugged herself. "It's cold," he said. "Why don't you lie back down?"

"I don't want to."

"Warden. Lie down."

"Don't call me that."

"Everyone else does."

"I know they do. But don't _you_ call me that. Please."

"Very well. _Elilia, _then. Please, lie down."

He tugged gently at her arm and she allowed him to pull her back into his. Her skin was chilled and she was pale in the filtered moonlight that was their only illumination since the rain drowned the campfire.

"I feel I understand you better, now," he said, after he had warmed her. "Perhaps you and I are not so different as I thought. We hide ourselves within our armor, behind our swords and shields, so that our _weakness_ doesn't show. I understand now what you were looking for, tonight. Not love but _understanding._ I'll give you whatever it is you need to take from this, whether its pleasure or comfort or what have you. But I can't promise you that I won't fall for you. If that's a problem, we'd best end this now."

She lay silent for a long moment. Then, finally, she said, "That's not a problem."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Dragon Age _or any of its related characters. This is just for my own enjoyment and the potential enjoyment of other fans like me, and no monetary gain was expected or received.

**Rating: **T+

**Spoilers: **Spoilers for _Origins_ only.

**A/N:** deviantart dot com / art/ El-Condor-Pasa-377490603 ! Beautiful Return-art from Taliessyn! Whoop!

**The Morning After That Never Happened**

He knew it would be bad, getting caught leaving the Warden's tent in the morning. He certainly didn't want to create any more friction than his mere presence already caused, and he particularly didn't wish to damage Elilia's reputation. But it was difficult to leave her. In the earliest hours when he ought to have been sneaking away to preserve her integrity they were instead engaged in a long, leisurely exploration of each others' bodies. He thought he might be more than half in love with her already. It was a strange turn from where they had been to where they were now. Before this night it had scarcely registered with him that Elilia was female, and now he couldn't remember ever having seen a more beautiful woman in his life.

He knew, long before he crawled out of the tent, that they'd lingered too long. The campfire was lit, and multiple shadows stood around it. Confrontation was inevitable. He was unsurprised to see the mage, Wynne, and the Bard, Leliana, standing in front of the tent with their arms folded across their chests. The Marsh Witch, Morrigan, also stood off at a distance, her arms likewise folded. Oghren the drunk crouched in front of his tent with hands dangling between his knees, and Zevran the assassin looked on with clear interest from in front of his own tent. Even the dog was watching, though he alone seemed happy enough to see Loghain exit his mistress' tent. The only one minding his own business was the Qunari, and the set of his shoulders registered disapproval in spite of the fact his back was turned. Loghain stood up straight, crossed his own arms over his chest, and stared back at his detractors with his fiercest scowl.

Elilia crawled out of the tent right behind him. She stood up and faced down the disapproving glares herself.

"Warden. I think we need to talk," Wynne said.

"No. We don't," Elilia said.

"_Warden."_

"_Wynne," _Elilia said. "It's none of your business."

"When your judgment is questionable, Warden, it is very much _my business."_

"Who died and made _you_ my commanding officer?" Elilia said. "I don't think you've got the slightest right to question my judgment. It's not like anybody has stepped up before now to make the _least decision _regarding what we had to do or how we had to do it. I've been on my own since day one. If you think I made a mistake bringing Loghain in to assist me then you're quite welcome to run off and join Alistair, and that goes for anyone else who doesn't like it."

"Bringing him in to assist is quite different from bringing him into your _bed," _Leliana said.

"And _you, _who have worked very much as a _whore_ when the job demanded it of you, have no right to make any judgment on who _I_ choose to spend my nights with, or why," Elilia said.

Leliana sighed. _"I _don't care who you sleep with, Warden, but I do care about _you. _Are you certain you can trust him so much?"

"I proved my strength, and he submitted. I trust him completely. He's the one person I know to whom I have nothing left to prove."

"Have you forgotten what he has _done?" _Wynne said.

"No, I haven't. Unfortunately for you, Wynne, I don't rate what he has done as half so dreadful as _you _seem to rate it. The only thing he did I that I find reprehensible was selling Denerim's elves into slavery, and if I needed money and the offer was brought to me, _I _probably would have crossed that line, too. I know for _damned sure _I would have left your beloved King Cailan to die. Sorry to burst your bubble."

Wynne bridled. "Well. It seems I have _seriously misjudged _you, Warden."

"It seems you have. Deal with it or leave."

Wynne stalked back to her tent and disappeared inside of it.

"Does anybody else want to stand around arguing with me, or can we get moving?" Elilia asked to the camp in general.

"To argue? No. _Cara mia,_ you have stood in dire need of a lover these many months. There is no better cure for the tensions and anxieties that have so plagued you," Zevran said. "I am afraid your _choice_ of lover will rather _increase _your tensions and anxieties, though. Still, I personally am quite happy that you at last have found someone with whom you may share yourself."

Elilia looked at Oghren. "You?" she demanded.

"I don't give a damn who you wanna knock boots with, Warden," Oghren said.

"Good. Let's break camp and get moving, shall we?"

"A word, Warden, if I may," Morrigan said.

"No. This discussion is over," Elilia said.

"This is not about who you want to sleep with. In truth, I'm only happy to see your taste runs to better than the _last _Warden you palled with. This is, however, a brief word of warning: You are not infertile _yet."_

"_What?"_

"You have not yet been a Warden long enough to be completely incapable of conception. Your fertility is _lessened, _and more so than his, for you have been a Warden longer, but you are not incapable of becoming pregnant. Any child you conceived, with two Wardens for parents, however, would surely be Tainted. Ask yourself: is that the sort of life to which you would sentence an innocent child? I have herbs in my bag that will keep you from conception. I suggest you put them to good use."

"I…thank you, Morrigan. I appreciate that."

"I will get some for you. Steep them in a cup of tea. They don't taste all that bad, actually. I will lay in a good stock of them next time I find a patch of them growing."

"Thank you."

Morrigan returned to her own campsite and Elilia turned to break down her tent. Loghain grabbed her arm and held her up momentarily.

"What?" she said.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I should have left before dawn."

She tossed her hair. "I don't give a damn about anyone else's opinion of me, or of you."

"Nevertheless. I ought to have been more considerate."

She tossed her hair again. "I was just thinking that the camp outfit would be easier to pack out with one less tent."

He bent to look directly into her eyes at close range. "Are you sure?"

"I'd prefer it. If you want to."

He captured her mouth with his own. "You're going to make it very difficult not to fall in love with you," he said, when he broke the kiss.

"That's the idea," she said, and kissed him.


End file.
